I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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