Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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