I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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