I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im holly from the hills drunk
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I DEMAND FORESKIN
there is puke in my bra ... again
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
