Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize