hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
