Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
