The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
