I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
