yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
