do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
