none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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