Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
