this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
