When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
