I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
