we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
