Can Purell be used as lube?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize