Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
