My room smells like vodka and shame
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
