The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
