I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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