just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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