no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
