Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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