Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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