Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
