it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
