I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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