Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
