I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
