Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
