I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
