We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
