Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
