yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
