someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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