I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
