They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
