If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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