discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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