you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
