Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
