My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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