you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
