I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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