Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
