i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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