i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
