But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
