Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize