if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
