PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
