i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
