In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
