Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
