some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
