Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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