New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
