If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I want a musical about memes.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
