I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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