is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
