Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There's always time for handjobs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sext me about skeletons
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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