The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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