Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
