Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
