But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
