all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize