fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
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