I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
