Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Randomize