Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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