dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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